Stop in the name of…

By Netnet Camomot

WHITE ingredients—white flour, white sugar, milk, salt—are supposed to be bad. And Health Secretary Francisco Duque III recently revealed the possibility of imposing a tax on salty food (“Salty products may be taxed next,” Philippine Daily Inquirer, 10/30/19): “We have seen the positive effects of increasing taxes on sin products. The same strategy might work for excessive consumption of salt… It might be the most effective way to go.”

So, goodbye, bulad, danggit, ginamos, bagoong, Chippy, salted eggs, salted egg potato chips, potato chips, cheese, salted peanuts, processed meats, instant noodles, ad infinitum, ad nauseam. Aren’t you sad yet?

But the higher taxes on sugary drinks have not exactly stopped the Pinoy from drinking regular soda, so, don’t worry, be happy.

Salt is bad since it causes hypertension, water retention, kidney problems, etc.

That weight gain could be more from water retention than fats. Or, well, both.

If there’s one person who knows about health, it’s Sen. Manny Pacquiao who continues to earn multi-millions of US dollars in his fights. A good diet and workout regimen must be two of the secrets behind his success, as the madlang pehpohl wonder how he’s able to multi-task and manage time in accomplishing his goals. And, as if his schedule is not busy enough, he will star in biopics on revolutionary general Miguel Malvar, and former Sen. Macario Peralta Jr.

But the families of Malvar and Peralta are not keen on having Pacquiao as the lead. In a letter to the Peralta movie’s producer, Inspire Studios, Peralta’s youngest son, Engelbert, wrote, “We object to the portrayal by the said honorable senator. I admire his achievements but strongly feel that his portrayal of my father is not appropriate” (“Another Pacquiao war hero film, another objection,” PDI, 10/20/19).

And there’s more: “In his last will and testament my father wrote and I quote, ‘I advise my family not to engage in politics.’ We adhered to this for 44 years and will continue to do so.”

Engelbert’s cousin, Bing Kasilag, somehow noticed that Pacquiao is now “in demand” as a lead in Pinoy heroes’ biopics. “First, it was to be as revolutionary general Miguel Malvar. Now it’s Macario Peralta Jr. What gives? Could it be a springboard to the 2022 presidential elections?”

Pacquiao’s political throne was also the reason for the Malvar family’s objection to his casting as the lead.

And all along I thought the main reason behind their objection is Pacquiao’s lack of skills in the acting department. Phew!

But who cares about movies when there’s an earthquake while you’re inside a cinema? The Philippine Institute of Volcanology and Seismology warned that aftershocks would be felt till Christmas this year. Gasp!

The earthquake on Thursday morning last week happened while we were mobile, on our way to a memorial park, so, we were clueless. Besides, after the earthquake two days before that, I wasn’t sure anymore if what I felt were aftershocks or simply my fats shaking like jelly.

A friend and I were supposed to watch “The Addams Family” in time for Halloween on Thursday night but I opted to avoid malls at least for that day.

Centrio Mall and SM City Cagayan de Oro also opted for caution over their Halloween events by cancelling a costume contest (SM) and trick or treat (both Centrio and SM) on Thursday.

Thursday was Oct. 31, the time for, uh, ghosting. And kids were probably ready with their Halloween costumes by then. But safety first, thus, the cancellation.

Unlike typhoons that can be predicted, and prepared and evacuated for, an earthquake arrives like a thief in the night. The Earth shakes, and the madlang pehpohl can’t help but be confused on the difference between magnitude and intensity as they duck, cover, and hold. And be sure the first letter of that duck doesn’t morph into F. Unless you and your partner want to contribute more shaking to the Earth’s shaking.

The Cagayanon was also confused on the intensity for Cagayan de Oro’s share of the earthquake on Thursday. Was it 6? 4? Well, it was 3.

Since an earthquake cannot be predicted, the Pinoy should stop posting earthquake warnings, complete with magnitude and intensity, on Facebook. Because if he continues doing that as his contribution as a concerned citizen, he’s better off hibernating in Siberia and not living in fear in Pinas.

But don’t worry, be happy, since Apollo Quiboloy, Kingdom of Jesus Christ founder and “The Appointed Son of God,” could stop earthquakes. “Noong lumindol ng 6.6, nandoon ako kahapon. Nandoon ako sa kuarto ko,” he said. “Sabi ko, Lindol, stop! Nag-stop. Tapos, pangalawa, ‘yong mga 11 siguro ‘yon… Nagsusulat ako. Lumindol. Sabi ko na, Stop! Eh di umi-stop din. Pasalamat kayo sa akin.”

Oh, well.

“Stop! In the name of love/Before you break my heart.”