Peace and Qs

By Rhona Canoy

SO… I received an article in my inbox from friend Ricky Caluen which reminded me of how sometimes we focus on the less important things. After returning from giving a talk on teen suicides and how we sometimes forget that family dynamics have much to do with it, I’d like to take these next few column inches to share the ideas from that article, and my take on things.

Much focus is given to how depression is a leading factor and what signs to look out for. I don’t deny that this is true but if we don’t notice what factors lead to depression, then we’re not going to find a way to combat this growing tragedy. Depression is a result of circumstances and situations which have escalated in life which we are not equipped to deal with. Any death of one’s child is disaster enough. Many have been devastated by accidents which resulted in someone being killed. But having your child die by suicide is a terrible thing because the parent must live with unanswered questions which will haunt them for the rest of their lives.

But that’s not what I’d like to focus on here. Let’s take a look at the factors which add up to a positive or negative mindset, and let’s start with the Qs. We’ve all become familiar with the Qs especially since some milk companies have decided to center their advertising on it. Let me start by saying that the kind of milk your child drinks has little to do with developing the Qs and here’s why. Let’s start with the most famous Q of all.

Intelligence Quotient (IQ). This is the measure of one’s comprehension ability to solve math problems, memorize things and recall subject matters. Pay attention: math problems, memorize, recall. We all know what IQ is, although we have a different take on it. Parents are so blown away when they’re told that their child has a high IQ. If a child doesn’t have the opportunity to go to school, chances are he or she will score low on IQ tests, and their result will not reflect the child’s true mental ability. Most parents get overly fixated on this.

Emotional Quotient (EQ). This is the measure of your ability to monitor, understand and act upon your emotions. Just because you are an emotional being (as Pinoys tend to be) does not mean that you have a high EQ. If you let your emotions drive you into making some of the worst decisions and actions in your life, then sadly you are low on the EQ ranking pole. It is the managing of one’s emotions and being self-aware of them that matters. It is also in keeping them under control that one gives the other Q’s the environment to grow.

Social Quotient (SQ). This is the measure of your ability to build a network of friends and maintain it over a long time. This has to do with your ability to interact with people and have a positive dynamic in dealing with them. People with high SQs make better bosses because they tend to be more considerate and respectful of the relationship that they have with co-workers and subordinates.

What most people don’t realize is how these three Qs manifest in a person is a determinant of success as we commonly define it. Most people are swept away by IQ. We are impressed by people who display a high intelligence capacity, and yet wonder why they don’t get too far along in life. Here’s the deal. Too much attention is paid to IQ (which is founded on academics) and ignoring the other two Q’s. In the real world, if you look around, you will find that people with high IQs and low EQ and SQ tend to be employed by or are outranked by people with high EQ and SQ and a lower IQ. One’s capacity to relate to others and how we manage and deal with our emotions are key.

And now two other Qs have been discovered to have a profound effect on how we live our lives.

Adversity Quotient (AQ). This is the measure of your ability to go through and overcome difficulties in life without losing your mind. It determines who will give up in the face of trouble, who will abandon their family, or who will decide to quit life. This is something that parents must pay attention to when raising children. In today’s quest to become a tiger or dragon or helicopter parent, in our misguided efforts to shield our children from the tragedies of life, and to keep them from facing harsh realities, we are depriving them of the necessary learning which they need. They don’t know how to face problems, they don’t know how to be patient, they don’t know how to fail or to be deprived. They don’t know that life is not always rainbows and bubbles. And when they encounter difficulties, they get destroyed.

Decency Quotient (DQ). This is the measure of one’s ability to understand that you are a part of a larger picture, interacting with respect and humility and considering someone else’s point of view, and taking their needs into account. This is a lot to digest. But this is what is needed in our leaders because a leader with a high DQ understands that it is not about power but rather about serving others. This is about empathy. This is about compassion. This is about the goodness of heart. This is about being a part of humanity.

The last two Qs are a relatively new paradigm. Previously, much attention was given only to the first three. But no matter how many factors emerge in the continuing quest to understand our capacity to meet life and live it fully and well, a better understanding of ourselves will always serve us best.

Like someone said, “Let us not prepare the road for our children. Rather, let us prepare our children for the road.” Think about that. And now, ask yourself how you rank in all five. Some jokester will surely avoid the issue and respond with bar-b-Q!