Carb cravings

THE only snacks I could probably have at the airport shops are the chicharon, pork jerky, and beef jerky. Operative word: probably. Because I don’t know what oil they used to cook the chicharon, and the jerkies have sugar.

Most of the stuff sold there are in the caution and danger lists: pastel, peanuts, cashew nuts, banana chips, brownies, corn chips, yema, piñato, piyaya, cinnamon sticks, dried mango, dried pineapple, cheese sticks, potato chips, instant noodles, tamarind, rosquillos, sandwiches, pinasugbo, butterscotch squares, biscocho, ube kisses, hopia, turrones de mani, polvoron, durian candy, dried durian, barquillos, ampao, otap, peanut kisses, banana chips, taro chips, peanut butter, cashew crunch, peanut broas, pastillas de leche, binangkalitos, etc. Talk of carbo-loading. Aren’t you craving yet?

The binangkalitos (mini binangkal) happened to be one of my favorites even when I was already dieting.

The perks of a 24-hour fasting window, with the OMAD—one meal a day—at 4:30 pm, include having the discipline not to eat while waiting at the airport.

The first thing I used to do right after checking in for a morning flight was to have breakfast. Those were the days. Now, not even a delayed flight can make me rush to the airport’s restos. I’d just sit there and write this column.

Yes, the flight is delayed. The announcement is made right after my rest room visit in anticipation of the 9:30 am flight. But the plane is expected to arrive at 9:38 am. Which means my flight will be sometime after that. So, I go back to the rest room again before the new estimated time of arrival.

All these for a flight that lasts for less than an hour, giving the passengers barely enough time to gobble down the small packet of La Mesa Filipina Guisantes Espesyal which is described as Green Peas with Dried Mango, with a net weight of 30 grams. It’s already 2024, and the plane is still serving the same snacks for this particular route.

Finally, we arrive at our destination. Several minutes later, we’re at the hotel where the first item on the agenda is lunch: humba, pochero, and beef salpicado. Yum!

After following the carnivore diet for lunch, I suddenly find myself inside a coffee shop where I’m having cafe latte with sugar-free vanilla syrup, and New York cheesecake. It’s only Day 1 and I’m already forgetting my resolve to go carnivore. At least the cream cheese in the cheesecake is dairy, an animal product. And the vanilla syrup is sugar-free. Justify pa more.

I can almost feel the side effects right after the first bite.

And I can see those side effects on the faces and skin of the cafe patrons around me: pimples, dark elbows, dark nape, spare tires, big tummy, double chin.

And the left side of my nose is beginning to itch. My tummy starts to bloat. And there’s the brain fog. The side effects are more punctual than the plane now.

Gotta leave the cafe, now na, so I can prep my tummy for the hotel’s buffet dinner for which I’m dreaming of lechon, steak, and bulalo.

But before I can leave, the wait staff is distributing cups of their new raspberry drink for a taste test. And they’re asking for comments. Hmmm. Tastes like cough syrup.