‘New religion’

Netnet Camomot

PIGS were crying, begging to be spared, the moment we arrived. I don’t know if it was our arrival that gave a go signal for the piggies to go crying already. We have adopted dad’s tradition of going home yearly for the fiesta, and I guess our mere presence had stirred up the piggies’ nerves.

But their cries were real–they were being butchered for the next day’s fiesta celebration.

Pork is the main ingredient in every fiesta’s menu, with the lechon as its star for all seasons. Add to that the hamonada, humba, adobo, menudo, afritada, and you can now say goodbye to your fish-and-chicken diet. On our first night, for dinner, we had pork with sayote. That was on the eve of the fiesta, when people were still busy preparing for the feast itself.

Well, what can one expect from a city known for its yummiest chicharon? Not lechon manok, of course. It’s a rule when you order food at restos, to ask the waiter for their bestsellers. In this city, chicharon is the bestseller.

There’s this college student who lost 50 pounds while on a diet. I asked her how she did it, and she said she had no social life for at least six months, choosing to focus her daily sked on home and school. No parties, no dinners with friends, no fiestas.

There’s this formerly obese guy who wrote a piece on how he lost weight by resigning from work so he could focus on home, gym, and diet for at least a year.

Another guy lost 42 pounds in three months through diet and planking.

And here I am, celebrating a fiesta. Wheeeee!

I’m obese, by the way. Not merely fat. Or almost obese? I refuse to remember the exact words. When it was pointed out to me, my brain zonked out to Siberia–obese, me? Ayay.

My sis’ joke for this year’s fiesta was we would go planking with the lechon on the huge antique dining table. Haha! By the time the first lechon was displayed, though, we both forgot about the planking. And when the second lechon appeared, we were too full to do any planking.

Goodbye, diet, for now. My dad’s family doesn’t believe in diet and exercise. They look at us like we are aliens with a mission to convert them to another religion. And this is one family whose Tito–dad’s elder bro Msgr. Teofilo Camomot–would not have expected us to morph from Roman Catholic to any other.

At a resto last Tuesday for lunch, our cousin ended up ordering tuna panga and tinolang Bisaya na manok. He told the waiter, Kana ra kay bawal sa ilang relihiyon ang karne. While driving, he kept saying, OK lang, di kaayo busog. Like as if he needed convincing he had enough for lunch.

My smile now reflects the effect of the “new religion”–I don’t look happy, the smile is forced, as if ready to attack the lechon each time there’s an opportunity. So, should I go back to the old religion? Which won’t make the piggies and cows happy for that means going back to lechon and roast beef. Like as if I’m not having lechon and roast beef now in the “new religion,” which, by the way, is a Duran Duran song: “I’m talking for free, I can’t stop myself/It’s a new religion/I’ve something to see, I can’t help myself/It’s a new religion.”

Like the past fiestas, there was a concert again at the garage, featuring some bands in this island province, the home of the best singers in the Philippines. It must be the water, making all these voices so clear and crisp.

The concert’s audience: kami, the ancestral house’s residents and guests. These are the bands that perform in the capital city or outside of the province, with at least one lead singer making us do a double take because he sounded like Sting. Another singer asked me about this song I requested last year, and he said, Was it Hall and Oates? And my sis replied, Yeah, Maneater. Haha!

But I would never request for a Hall and Oates song. So, I said, U2, Police, bring back Sting! Since, by then, the Sting guy had joined the drinking session.

Some of the veterans–hmmm, old–look familiar to my sis since she studied at the capital city eons ago, at the time when Shakey’s still had bands. Remember those days?

One particular veteran drummer made her exclaim, Siya to?! Because he now looks, well, grandfatherly.

People grow old and not even Botox and stem cell therapy can keep anyone young forever. That’s why the need for diet and exercise as a preventive measure otherwise one’s metabolic age can be more than his actual age.

There’s this one diet program whose magic word is visceral fat. A friend said he’s on a diet, and since he’s already slim, I asked him why. He replied, “Daghan ko visceral fat.” Eureka! So, I now know we’re in the same diet program.

It’s simply goodbye to pork and beef, and hello to fish and chicken. Yeah, simply daw o. Haha! If only it were that simple.

Add to that portion control, calorie counting, exercise, etc. It’s not that easy. The trick is to suppress the insatiable appetite. How how the carabao? Good luck na lang!

But once you’re aware of what’s good or bad for you, you’ll find a way to adjust to the new diet, which will definitely make the piggies and cows happy. Oink? Moo!