The superbly heroic diet

Netnet Camomot

DON’T ever try dieting from Christmas Eve up to the New Year weekend unless you want to be disappointed each time you step on the Jurassic weighing scale in the bathroom the moment you wake up. That’s when you find out you gained back the two pounds lost and will now have to lose that again, no thanks to two parties–lunch and dinner–the previous day.

Even if the dinner is hosted by the people who are helping you lose weight where they tell you sotanghon is good and allowed, so you let the wait staff add that to your plate despite the thought that it’s still additional calories. You already had that lunch with lechon baka, lechon baboy, and desserts–yes, plural form–thus, dinner should have been light, enough to fill up the tummy till the party is over at, hmmm, past 11 pm.

There are games, and your team wins in the Charades, thanks to teammates who seem to have memorized all English and Tagalog superhero movie titles. For that’s the party’s theme, superheroes. Invited to join only the day before, most probably because you’re the new kid on the block, you had to go cramming for superhero costumes. The youngest bro suggested Jessica Jones. And you’re like Jessica who? He said, She wears white shirt, blue jeans, leather jacket, boots. And you’re like, Don’t have jacket and boots. And the bro said he has a jacket, and the sis-in-law said she has a trench coat. Problem solved. But should you buy a pair of boots?

Boots that you could wear often if you’re in New York. But with the feet so at home with FitFlops while in Pinas, you opted to think out of the box–hehe–by going to Toy Kingdom and trying on some superhero masks which inspired you to empathize with Spaceballs’ Dark Helmet: “I can’t breathe in this thing!” Thus, the sudden TOA–transfer of affection–to The SM Store where you finally found the ultimate superhero costume: a black T-shirt with an artwork of Superman’s S on the chest.

Then you arrive at the superhero party where you realize thinking out of the box means creating your own superhero costume and not simply going out of the house to buy a ready-made mask or T-shirt. But at least you also realize you’re not alone–there are many other Superman wannabes at the party with an S on their chests.

For a while there, you thought of bringing a stone since you’ve been Darna anyway to your health coach’s Batman, with the other new kids on the block adopting the names of Wonder Woman and Super Girl. That’s why when the health coach told you about the party’s theme, the first thought that came to mind was, Is this the result of our superhero nicknames? But, no, it’s not. Pure coincidence. Like getting that Christmas token, a minion pen, at the party, and noticing only upon arriving home that the small tag attached to it has a Batman quotation: “It’s not who I am underneath, but what I do that defines me.”

But what convinced you to join the party was not the superhero theme. What finally brought you there was curiosity, to have an answer to the question: What do health coaches order for their Christmas parties? What’s on the buffet table?

Your sis–the Wonder Woman–said it all, that this was the first ever Christmas party she has been to where her tummy wasn’t full at all, unlike other Christmas parties where the norm is to eat till the lechon is bursting out of her veins.

The guests would surely complain had that same dinner been served at another party: no lechon baka, no lechon baboy, no dinuguan, no ham, no spaghetti, no macaroni salad, no dessert station! What kind of a party is this?! Hehe.

The tummy will also complain. It has been on a diet for more than two months and you’re now stuffing it with bad food, of course, it will complain.

There are health gurus who say there’s no such thing as good or bad food. That it’s all about moderation and portion control. The thing with this rule is that, sweets do inspire the sweet tooth to crave for more once it has had a taste of, say, Royce choco, which happened to be your dessert for the noche buena. Well, it was paired with grapes, but still…

But then, it’s Christmas! Why talk about diets anyway? Let’s party! And that party hosted by the health coaches had two of the funniest emcees ever. Which has changed your definition of a party: funny emcees, good food, and curiosity.