Keeping up with the gaydar

Netnet Camomot

WATCHING movies with family and friends adds more weight to your fats.

That’s what Ramil Caballero aka Jack Fryday, Kim Daguman, and I have been doing lately. On Tuesday night, it was “Third Party.” On Wednesday night, two movies: “Keeping Up With the Joneses” and “Bakit Lahat ng Gwapo May Boyfriend?!” Add popcorn and diet soda to that, and…voila!

“Third Party” and “Bakit Lahat ng Gwapo May Boyfriend?!” are two peas in a pod. About gays who hesitate to come out of the closet, and the women who fall in love with them. After watching two movies in one night, I’ve already forgotten what “Third Party” was all about. All I could remember now is how cool Natalie Jones is.

I used to watch movies at my bro’s house when life was less complicated and I could stay there the whole day. Wherever his and his family’s present sanctuary is, that’s my preferred venue for R&R, feeling sleepy the moment I enter their abode. Unless we’re laughing like hyenas, thanks to the jokes that continuously pour out of our, ahem, brilliant minds. Haha!

The family’s future in-laws also have the same sense of humor. There was a time when I would ask my niece, Why him? Then, there was that night when he had dinner with us, and I could finally understand why.

My bro and sis-in-law always listen to my whoas and woes, and they give advice that wakes me up to my reality. Thus, whenever bro tells me his kind of ultimatum, I bow and obey. I’m the eldest and he’s the youngest in the family—there’s much respect in between those years.

The busyness takes me away from family. After this particular responsibility I’ve committed to, my choices from then on will be for me and family. Simplify. The kids are growing up and I’m missing a lot already. They will marry someday, have their own families, and we will be kind of the empty nesters, looking forward to visits from grandkids.

We spend so many years trying to find our niche in this oh so cruel world, only to find out that family will always remain as the people ready to accept us for who we are, not expecting us to be more or to be less.

And then, we have friends who also accept us the same way, not forcing us to be more or to be less, who make us laugh and forget about s**t.

These are the people who make our life beautiful and wonderful. Mayor Oscar Moreno loves to sing this song that goes, “I see trees of green, red roses too/I see them bloom for me and you/And I think to myself what a wonderful world.” That kind of wonderful.

My future perfect day will be this: I and the love of my life dancing, with Mayor Moreno singing about this wonderful world. Hmmm. Revelation 101. Unless that revelation scares the guy off to Siberia, and here I will be, having a wonderful world on my own.

For now, my world revolves around newsletters, public relations, and movies. I should not be watching movies so I can finish the newsletters. But I can’t focus on the newsletters if I’m working beyond my minute brain’s capacity. So, I watch movies.

Those three movies Ramil, Kim, and I watched are not exactly the best movies ever. And not the funniest. When I think of a funny movie, I remember Vice Ganda walking in stilettos in the movie “Beauty and the Beastie.” I was laughing so hard, and right after the movie ended, I wondered why I was laughing so hard. Probably because I needed a good laugh that day.

Memories of funny movies go back to 1987 when Mel Brooks had “Spaceballs” with Lord Dark Helmet (Rick Moranis) huffing and puffing while in an enlarged Darth Vader helmet, and saying, “I can’t breathe in this thing!”

There are times when you may also feel that way, could hardly breathe amidst the busyness. And it’s back to the movies again. Popcorn, diet soda, family, friends, and there’s Yam Concepcion in the “Boyfriend” movie, saying, “You have a girlfriend, right? Unless of course you’re gay.”

The one with a low gaydar may never guess it right.

At least the weather radar can still predict the weather. And what a weather that was. Worse than Yolanda? Tsk tsk.

I thought Lawin’s outer circle would reach Cagayan de Oro, thus, my resolve to watch movies before its landfall. People were telling me that CDO would be safe, but there are times when expecting a worst-case scenario is better than cluelessness. I didn’t go panic-buying, though, despite the weekend sale at SM. I did go there but as usual, like the S&R sale, I ended up buying things that were not on sale.

I’ve imposed a personal ban on buying new clothes since the body weight is still trying to find its true, uh, calling. Hehe. True weight. The one it’s most comfortable with, where it will settle forever and ever. How I wish Batman aka the wellness coach is always beside me to watch the food I eat. Watch lang, without stopping me. Haha! We, the overeaters, will always struggle with weight. Yes, like recovering persons with substance use disorder.

I’ve also stopped buying snacks to be stored in the fridge for future binges. But I still eat a lot when I’m out of the house. Hopefully, the opening of H&M at Centrio on Oct. 27 will stop me from eating pa more. All those clothes, with no slim body to wear them!

But writing this column may need food to nibble on while I delete words, sentences and paragraphs. Yes, despite its seeming rawness, this column does go through a sieve, with this gauge: What can I reveal as of today?