Razzle-dazzle

Netnet Camomot

SAW this meme on Facebook last Tuesday: “Sadly, the days of people using proper English are went.”

The editor of course sees the mistake. But there are people who may see the sentence as correct.

Perfect usage of the English grammar is not necessary for success. There are countries where English is not the national language, yet, they’re still way up there in the First World pyramid. And there are pehpohl who don’t know their English, yet, they’re still way up there in the success pyramid. Thus, English is not necessary as long as you’re not reading a manual that’s written in English.

But for a country where English is taught and used as a second a language like here in Pinas, its citizens are expected to at least know their English grammar.

Lynne Truss’ “Eats, Shoots & Leaves” helps us refresh the minute brain on English 101. Even that second word there and its apostrophe—Truss’—had me confused for a while. Should there be an “s” after the apostrophe, to emphasize the possessive form?

No need to ask an English teacher on this one. Simply Google, and there you’ll see—the apostrophe is enough. Yup, KISS—keep it short, stupid. Er, keep it simple and sweet.

A friend asked me if it’s OK for her to edit a message that goes inside the pages of a newsletter. My reply: Are the ones reading that newsletter complaining about the unedited message? She said, No complaints so far. My advice: Oh, don’t edit then.

I gotta feeling no one reads that newsletter. If it were up to me, though, I would comb it with suyod from cover to cover even if no one reads it.

I’m staring at the trees again. Yes, I’m now convinced this morning ritual is helping me write this column. Realization 101 is way much more important than English 101. Why bother with English 101 if your message gets lost in translation until it reaches the gray area where nincompoops start to add words to it.

When people start to listen to people who have been proven to be the most unreliable people in this oh so cruel world, that’s the time to tell them, Good luck na lang!

You see the signs. At first, though, you wonder, Why do they have that? Because you know that would never have passed the standard of the one they’re listening to. But then you learn they’re no longer listening to that person, and that’s when you get it: Aha! Kaya pala. Tsk tsk.

A spin doctor is there to correct such mistakes. Because a spin doctor is kind of the outsider who’s now looking in. Before you sought his help, he was already there outside, aware of the mistakes you were making.

But then, the one making mistakes starts to listen to others who have a vested interest in their future with him. Razzle-dazzle!

If you don’t want to listen to the sincere spin doctor, you’re better off listening to your own gut than those people now gathered around you, waiting for their vested interests to happen. What is your gut telling you? By the time you reach a certain age, there are many lessons and thoughts stored in there, surely you’ll be guided on what to do next. Don’t be dazzled by the razzle.

Talk of razzle-dazzle, love is in the air now, thanks to Christmas. Atheists would look at this as the birthday celebration of an imaginary friend. Non-atheists believe in that imaginary friend, way much more than they believe in a friend who’s right there beside them. But we cannot question a person’s beliefs until… Hmmm. Until what? Until magunaw na ang mundo?

Christmas must be the Pinoy’s most favorite season, unless fiesta is the one closer to his heart. Both require pigs, lots and lots of pigs–lechon, ham, hamonada, humba, pork adobo, liempo, sinugbang tiyan sa baboy… Wawa naman the piggy.

There’s this video where pigs are diving as part of their exercise before going to the slaughterhouse. The diving that involves water and swimming. Imagine–there they are, having fun, diving, swimming, without knowing the exercise’s ultimate goal is to make their meat yummier. Talk of vested interest! Yup, razzle-dazzle!

I collect piggies. At least two cabinets downstairs are filled with piggies of all kinds. Whenever I post a piggy sticker on Facebook, that’s me. My profile photo is Little Lotta. My cover photo is this mural of three piggies I saw at a resto in Cagayan de Oro. I’m so much aware of my constant struggle with weight, thus, my fascination with piggies. Here’s proof of that struggle: my mile-wide butt that makes me resemble Buddha when I’m seated. Whenever my siblings couldn’t find a gadget and I happen to be there, the first thing they do is to ask me to please check if the gadget is within that mileage. Haha!

If only this realization translates to weight loss and finally savoring the perks of reaching my ideal weight. But emotional eating is, You gain weight, lose weight, gain more, lose less.

The fridge in the room has sachets of protein shakes and no other food item. My Little Lotta profile pic is holding an empty plate with fork and knife while facing a fridge that’s secured with chain locks. In reality, there’s the fridge downstairs, always open 24/7.

The hungry tummy is like that bank—it finds ways. Life is like that, too. It finds ways. But English grammar will always have its rules, and the editor has to follow them unless he also finds ways.