Send in the brawns

Netnet Camomot

THE word “American” is in two movies now showing at a theater near you. “American Assassin” is about a Central Intelligence Agency covert operation, and “American Made” focuses on a drug smuggler.

There’s a possibility that if you invite a friend to one of these movies, he’ll say he has seen it already once he hears “American.” And then you’ll insist that you’ll watch “American Assassin” and not “American Made.” He: Yup, I watched it last night. You: But it’s “American Assassin,” not “American Made”! He: I told you I watched that last night, choose another movie.

When all along, the one he did watch was “American Made.”

As to why these were shown at the same time, go ask Hollywood—they’re experts in choosing movie release dates. But not in choosing the perfect dates for their actors. Josh Duhamel and Fergie are the latest examples of what Gwyneth Paltrow calls “conscious uncoupling” for her separation from husband Chris Martin in 2014.

When Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie separated a year ago in September 2016, everyone’s reaction was, Anything is possible now. Brangelina was the perfect couple—sexiest man alive, most beautiful woman in the world, how could that fail, huh?

And then, the Marawi siege began eight months later on May 23, and we were like, No! Not that kind of anything is possible!

Incidentally, Pitt and Paltrow were engaged to each other eons ago. But this column is not about them. This is about… Oh. Where was I? Hmmm.

Anyway, both “American Assassin” and “American Made” must be familiar now with the Pinoy who has been bombarded with news on the siege and President Rody Duterte’s war on drugs.

Any conflict that requires weapons of mass destruction or some form of weapon seldom ends with sugar, spice and everything nice. Instead, there’s blood, gore, and dead bodies. Unless both parties are experts in combat and manage to stay alive till the end of the movie, er, conflict.

Despite your suspicions that all these—the siege, war on drugs, even Comelec Chair Andy Bautista—are part of a wag-the-dog scenario, the question that should hover above your head is this: which scenario is the wag-the-dog plot trying to hide?

We, the madlang pehpohl, have no idea what the powers that be are capable of. They can even impeach a country’s president, although for now, it’s former President Noynoy Aquino a.k.a. PNoy who will be charged for letting then-suspended Philippine National Police Chief Alan Purisima lead Oplan Exodus to arrest Marwan in Mamasapano, Maguindanao in 2015.

The US Department of Justice offered US$5 million to anyone who could capture Marwan. Voila! Conspiracy theory, anyone?

There’s a story behind Purisima’s suspension. PNP’s “Oplan Katok” project required the services of a courier to deliver license cards for firearms. Purisima then approved Werfast as the courier despite its lack of accreditation with the PNP Firearms Explosive Office and the Department of Science and Technology-Postal Regulation Committee.

Purisima was also accused of funding via illegal donations the building of a White House in Camp Crame, and for a property in Nueva Ecija that evoked allegations of unexplained wealth. Still, PNoy continued to defend him supposedly due to utang na loob.

Utang na loob inspires blind loyalty. If you’re not there yet, then, beware: don’t dare go there.

Maguindanao is again in the news, with no less than President Rody Duterte hinting he might not end martial law in Mindanao by Dec. 31, 2017 due to the presence of extremists in Buldon, a municipality in Maguindanao. But Buldon’s police said the suspected extremists are not in their town but in Mount Cararao which is in between Maguindanao and Lanao del Sur.

If this is the first time you’ve heard of Buldon and Mount Cararao, you’re not alone. But should we thank the Maute group for making us aware of all these places it’s, uh, allegedly visiting?

Most Pinoys have not even heard of Mamasapano before Jan. 25, 2015. Add to that the Maguindanao Massacre in the Municipality of Ampatuan on Nov. 23, 2009, and you may conclude that Maguindanao is not a favorite vacation destination for now.

The US, however, remains a favorite vacation goal for many tourists despite the hurricanes caused by climate change, and the social media hurricanes that President Donald Trump seems to thrive in. And then, there’s the wall that Trump wants to build between the US and Mexico, and his travel ban that has significantly reduced the number of shoppers trooping to Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills, California.

If you look closely at goods displayed in US stores, though, they won’t necessarily have “Made in America.” Most likely, they’re “Made in China.”

And if you’re wondering how these Hollywood actors have learned to fight and kick their way to a theater near you, they do seek the help of Chinese martial arts experts in making movies.

Now, in order to avoid another debate with your friend on which “American” film to watch—“Assassin”? “Made”?—better choose “It” where you can imagine the song “Send in the Clowns” each time the clown appears. Brrrrr.