Coffee, tea or Mocha?

Netnet Camomot

SOCIAL media influencer, er, Presidential Communications Assistant Secretary Mocha Uson received a Thomasian Alumni Award for Government Service from the University of Santo Tomas Alumni Association Inc. (USTAAI).

With the word “service” there, you may wonder if this is for that YouTube video where she’s performing a blowjob on a dildo. But it’s for government service which of course should be as far away as possible from anything connected with sex unless they’re discussing safe sex and the Reproductive Health Law.

Take note, though, that she emphasized putting a condom—a flavored one—on what the dildo represented. Safe sex and all that jazz.

Uson has moved forward from that video and is now part of the present administration’s more visible characters. This could be her on-the-job—and definitely not a blowjob—training for future pursuits such as running for a Senate seat next year.

It was House Speaker Pantaleon Alvarez who announced last November her inclusion in the PDP-Laban senatorial lineup, for which her response was, “Totoo po na matagal na akong iniimbitahan ni Speaker na tumakbo bilang senador at ang sagot ko po ay wala akong planong tumakbo sa Senado dahil hindi naman ako politico.”

See? Matagal na siyang iniimbitahan by the Speaker. This was not the first time she heard of what the madlang pehpohl may consider as a kababalaghan. Que horror!

After all, Manny Pacquiao, Tito Sotto, Jinggoy Estrada, Joseph Estrada, Bong Revilla, Ramon Revilla, Lito Lapid, and other showbiz and sports celebrities are or were senators, so, why can’t Uson be a senator, too? There are even rumors that Senators Kiko Pangilinan and Ralph Recto won because of their respective wives, Sharon Cuneta and Vilma Santos.

And it was a non-showbiz and non-sports personality, Senator Sonny Trillanes, who authored the Continuing Professional Development (CPD) Act which requires professionals to earn CPD units in order to renew their Professional Regulation Commission (PRC) licenses. Like as if having sleepless nights while reviewing for and taking board exams was not enough. We could have accepted this as another day in paradise if only the seminars were online and subsidized by the government. But earning CPD units includes physical presence for several days plus thousands of pesos as registration fees for the seminars and trainings. Asa na ang hustisya ani?

Add the letter O to that and it’s COPD—chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. Gasp!

A package deal for several CPD seminars may cost, say, Php10,000. At least one walk-in seminar rate can be, say, Php3,000. I understand these are for meals and other seminar expenses, I can choose to laugh through all these since laughter is the best medicine but here’s one question: Does Trillanes have a PRC license? Because if he has one and is now also a victim, er, a no-choice follower of the CPD Act, then, I’ll simply heave a deep sigh of disbelief, and pay for the package deal.

Continuing Professional Education units were already required for PRC license renewal way back when, once upon a time. It was somehow scrapped, I don’t remember why. Then, it made a comeback last year. Oh, well.

How about a preparatory senatorial education (PSE) course for senator wannabes? You know, fair is fair.

Imagine Uson covering through Facebook Live a PSE seminar she’s attending in preparation for her Senate fun run. That will be, uh, fun. Finally, she will learn where Mayon volcano is, that is, if that seminar has lessons about geology. Oh, geography. Location is geography, volcano is geology.

And then, I Google in case PSE has other meanings, and—voila!—there’s Porn Star Experience.

It also means Philippine Stock Exchange. Yup, for a moment there, you were thinking, PSE… Hmmm… Sounds familiar.

By the way, blowjobs and volcanos have one thing in common: eruptions.

While watching Mayon shooting lava up to a height of 700 meters, there’s at least one green mind oohing and aahing, with thoughts of, If only…

Last Wednesday morning, Uson did use Facebook Live to say this about her Thomasian Alumni Award: “Ginagamit po ng ilang mga tao itong maliit na issue sa award para pagtakpan yung issue ng Dengvaxia, issue ng pagtanggap diumano ni Senator Drilon ng pera galing kay Napoles, at yung pinakamahalaga pa yung nangyayari sa Naga, ‘yang pag-aalburuto ng Mayon volcano.”

FYI, Naga City is Vice President Leni Robredo’s hometown. Mayon is in Albay province and can be seen from Legazpi City. Geography 101.

On Wednesday night, she again used Facebook Live to apologize for her geographical boo-boo: “Trending nga po tayo dahil diyan sa nakakatawang issue, ‘yang pagkakamali ko na ang bulkang Mayon ay nasa Naga. Pasensya na po, inaamin ko po na nagkamali ako, okay, pasensya na po, ayan, at uhhh… nakakatawa, napakaliit na issue, ginagawang headline, ginagawang national news, trending, pero pagdating sa Dengvaxia, tahimik kayo.”

About 830,000 students were vaccinated with Dengvaxia which is supposed to be given only to those who were once afflicted with dengue. Some deaths among these students are now being blamed on the vaccine. So, yes, Uson is right with her concern on the madlang pehpohl’s silence on the issue.

For now, the USTAAI president has resigned and she’s returning her controversial award.

Some Pinoys, who still can’t accept that Uson is a presidential communications assistant secretary, have probably not heard of Ilona Staller a.k.a. Cicciolina, a former porn star who became a member of the Italian parliament. Once Uson does morph into a senator next year, let’s see—pronounced as the Spanish word for milk—if her non-fans will finally learn to live with the fact that the present administration believes in her talents.

And this fact is spelled with a, c, t, and not with asterisks—f***.

Uson did say, “At kung tatakbo man po ako, eto po ay dahil si Pangulong Duterte na mismo ang nagpatakbo sa akin. ‘Yan ay dahil sa ang akin lamang hangarin ay matulungan ang Duterte Administration na pagsilbihan ang bayan.”

If ever that happens next year, her campaign slogan should be, Coffee, tea or me?

By the way, coffee and tea have mocha flavors.