Unsolicited advice

Egay Uy .

EARLY this week, I surfed the net for articles about anger management while several radio stations discussed the recent viral issue involving a city councilor whose video shows him to have berated a former city mayor and an institution in the local mass media.

I believe what I found is relevant.  It is about tips to tame one’s temper.  These tips appear to be “easy-does-its” but they may be difficult to live by, especially be hot heads. Here are a few of the many tips I found:

Think before you speak. In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to say something you’ll later regret. Take a few moments to collect your thoughts before saying anything — and allow others involved in the situation to do the same.

Once you’re calm, express your anger. As soon as you’re thinking clearly, express your frustration in an assertive but nonconfrontational way. State your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.

Take a time out. Timeouts aren’t just for sports teams. Give yourself short breaks during stressful times. A few moments of quiet time might help you feel better prepared to handle what’s ahead without getting irritated or angry.

Stick with “I” statements. To avoid criticizing or placing blame — which might only increase tension — use “I” statements to describe the problem. Be respectful and specific. For example, say, “I’m upset that you did that to me” instead of “You never have any respect for me.”

Use humor to release tension.  Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Use humor to help you face what’s making you angry and, possibly, any unrealistic expectations you have for how things should go. Avoid sarcasm, though — it can hurt feelings and make things worse.

Practice relaxation skills. When your temper flares, put relaxation skills to work. Practice deep-breathing exercises, imagine a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or phrase, such as “Take it easy.” 

Know when to seek help. Learning to control anger is a challenge for everyone at times. Seek help for anger issues if your anger seems out of control, causes you to do things you regret or hurts those around you.

I hope this unsolicited advice will help those who direly need them.

(Egay Uy is a lawyer. He chairs the City’s Regulatory and Complaint Board, co-chairs with the city mayor the City Price Coordinating Council, and chairs the city’s Joint Inspection Team.  He retired as a vice president of Cepalco.)