Liback to front

Rhona Canoy

SO… Flying home (not on a broomstick), for some reason, always gives me not only the time but also a different mindset to contemplate upon the many random questions that seem to constantly plague me. Having just attended a boisterous family reunion, I was dwelling on the dynamic of talking about all the absent people, or those not sharing our table at least.

Libak (the Visayan word for backbiting) as opposed to chismis (the generic Filipino term for gossip). It occurred to me that maybe we should talk about the difference and similarities between the two words. First let me establish that in both cases, the person being talked about is absent and therefore unable to hear all the things being discussed. So make sure you are present at the next gathering. Although this may be irrelevant because people may just like getting all up in your business.

When we libak, this is vicious. Attacks are made on a person’s character, personality, nature, and anything else that may be associated with that person. This is when words are painful, and intentionally so. We cannot always say if the statements are true. What is said is usually some opinion or judgment which infers that the subject is surely on his or her way to hell. On a rollercoaster.

Chismis, on the other hand, is much milder. It is talking about someone’s private life, or things that are not meant to be made public knowledge. Usually, it is a pastime, chatted about over coffee and cheesecake, or a round of mahjongg. I would think the things being talked about are viewed as delicious tidbits of otherwise hidden information that allows the chismosas a peek into the subject’s private affairs. Not the romantic assignations type, although this would be the choicest tidbit in the discussion if it were so.

What this brings to mind is the fact that we Filipinos have a problem with talking to a person directly in the face and saying things we want them to hear. For some reason, our culture frowns upon direct communication of the verbal kind. I don’t know if we are raised this way or if we learn it by osmosis. I suppose the only face-to-face interactions that we see end up being confrontational and therefore unpleasant.

This also makes me wonder about our attitude towards discretion. Filipinos are generally nosy. We like to know everything about everyone and the more indirectly we get our information, the better because for some irrational reason we then feel unaccountable. We like gossip to be prefaced by “I heard…” or “I was told by X who heard it from XX who was there when XXX said…”. A general disclaimer is what I think that’s called.

We will unhesitatingly reveal life secrets shared with us in utmost confidence. Which makes me wonder how I’m supposed to teach trustworthiness. Word of advise to the onion-skinned. Never tell anyone anything you don’t want anyone else to hear about… eventually. I suppose we can keep secrets, but I also know that secrets have a very short shelf life. And in a weird way, there is no harm intended in all this chatter, otherwise the courts would be busy determining libel.

Or, worst of all, maybe we live such empty boring lives that the excitement of being a voyeur fills us with glee. Which is why everyone’s fascination with the CCTV makes a lot of sense. The question of how to make libak or chismis stop or wane is one that has remained a mystery through the ages.

Maybe we should look at the people who love to indulge in this activity of leisure. They must have a lot of time on their hands to be able to waste it talking about everyone else (who is definitely not there or the talking would awkwardly stop). Or maybe their daily activities are so mundane as to require external stimulation. Or they are jealous of the subjects of conversation who seem to be having or doing more than them. In the end, the only answer that comes to mind can be summed up in three single-syllable words.

Get a life.