Divorce: A ticket way out from a toxic marriage

NOT all “happy-ever-afters” end in a lifetime commitment. In the Philippines where divorce is not available, many couples are bound by loveless marriages. Do they have a way out?

“Divorce is not to destroy marriage it is just to be free from toxic and unsettled circumstances. It is a necessary option for those stuck in unhealthy, dangerous, or toxic marriages.”

This is my opinion on divorce since I am #ProDivorce. I believe that everyone deserves a second chance at a happy marriage. Unfortunately, the majority has overlooked it. Divorce is the closest to finally allowing individuals to have the freedom to decide on the course of their relationships. As a society that is predominantly Catholic country, this understandably will result in intense arguments and culturally entrenched moral indignation since their standpoint of the Catholic Church indicates that divorce is anti-marriage and anti-family.

The Philippines is one of the two countries aside from the Vatican where divorce is illegal.

I remember a quote from Sen. Riza Hontiveros, “It’s not divorce that breaks the marriage. It’s the abuse or the oppression the lovelessness that preceded it.” She also said the divorce bill is only expanding the chances for people who are in toxic marriages. Legalizing divorce does not jeopardize or compromise unified households, It can also be a protective tool against domestic violence, which is the strongest reason why it should exist. Refusing divorce is like condemning victims of domestic violence to a lifetime of hell and can also turn into desperation—leading some individuals to consider a lethal option.

According to the Philippine Statistics Authority or PSA, One In Four Women Have Ever Experienced Spousal Violence (Preliminary results from the 2017 National Demographic and Health Survey).

Based on the preliminary findings of the 2017 National Demographic and Health Survey (NDHS), one in four (26%) ever-married women aged 15-49 has ever experienced physical, sexual, or emotional violence by their husband or partner. One in five (20%) women has ever experienced emotional violence, 14 percent has ever experienced physical violence, and 5 percent has ever experienced sexual violence by their current or most recent husband or partner.

Table 1 shows the prevalence of different forms of violence experienced by ever-married women 15-49 of age according to the background characteristics of women.

As observed, the percentage of women who have experienced violence in physical, sexual, and/or emotional form, from their husband declines slightly with women’s age.

Women who are divorced, separated, or widowed are more likely to have experienced all forms of violence by their most recent partner compared with women who are married or living together: 53 percent of divorced, separated, or widowed women have experienced physical, sexual, or emotional violence compared with 24 percent of women who are married or living together.

Divorce should be implemented in the Philippines because it protects and strengthens the family, is in compliance with international human rights obligations, and addresses the inadequacies of the existing legal framework on nullity, annulment, and legal separation.

“We are not destroying any marriage,” said Edcel Lagman, a congressman and author of one of the bills.

Lagman said divorce was for “dysfunctional marriages beyond repair” and legalizing it would enable women and their children to escape “intolerant and abusive husbands”.

The moral issue of legalizing divorce involves a clash of ethical views, a debate on individual rights, and moral duties related to the institution of marriage. Eventually, however, people should not be forced to remain in a marriage, especially when abandonment has occurred or if either person has started another relationship or even another family.

“Till death do us part, is wonderful. Marriage is beautiful. But only for those who get it right.”